I don’t know what Thanksgiving will be like this year.  It’s never been a holiday I typically enjoy, and the reasons don’t particularly matter here.  I am, however, tremendously thankful in so many ways, and I treasure the time I’ve spent with family and friends during many over-the-top Thanksgiving dinners.  As you will learn in this post, I have been searching for a pie - which is more likely about the memories linked to a pie.  My Nana made a Pumpkin Chiffon Pie that even as a pumpkin-pie-averse kid, I loved. Throughout my research, asking questions of my mom, and her efforts to find answers when she didn’t have them, I’ve been doing more thinking than usual about my Nana. Although Thanksgiving certainly needs to be reimagined this year (my sons have been asking for just stuffing and take-out pizza for years - maybe this is the one), I will continue to consider what I’m thankful for.  Right now, it’s grandmothers and the particular example mine set for me.  

My mom was the only one of my grandparents’ four daughters who lived out of state, so when we visited we stayed with my grandparents, and later after my grandfather died, just with my Nana.  I might have had a slightly different experience than my cousins because of this, but I can’t be sure.  There were 10 of us for quite some time before the happy addition of two more.  When I was with my Nana I felt like the center of the world, and I expect my cousins felt the same.  I understand that this is the joyful job of grandmothers, and I was lucky enough to have this experience with both of mine, but what I have known for much of my life is that my Nana was an exemplar of how to live a life of kindness. 

I have a patchwork of memories about her - some small snippets like how she couldn’t understand why people ate mushrooms, ‘Why would anyone eat fungus?’ she wondered. Or the two of us sitting in her living room playing solitaire - together.  How she always kept her bedroom window open an inch in the winter when she slept, and how she danced an Irish jig around her bed as she made it in the morning. And she was funny, which is something we only discovered in the years after my grandfather died, because he had always been the funny one.  She loved a joke that involved a play on words.  She was gentle - never a raised voice or a harsh word for anyone. Her kindness and grace showed itself by example. 

I had written more substantive examples to share about her in this post by way of example of her completely non-judgmental, humble, gracious, and generous nature, but it seemed to me that the essence of what I was trying to convey got lost. Perhaps that is the way of memories that stand by you for years - they take on a voice that speaks best only to the holder of the memory.  Whatever the reason, here is what I know to be true:  if you are fortunate enough to have been raised by women grounded in integrity, be thankful and do your very best to be those women for others.  If you were not, find them now and surround yourself.  

Now, about that pie…. My mom reminded me that it had a walnut crust and my Nana would break up the walnuts individually by hand - with her fingernails - to make sure they were uniform! No food processor, of course, but she didn’t even use a rolling pin to bash them.

Sadly, her crust recipe has been lost, but one of my aunts has a recipe for the pie filling she says is the one my Nana used - it probably is, because her son is the cousin who I know enjoyed this pie as much as I did. The memory for me is fleeting. I remember only how much I looked forward to it.  I was not a fan of regular pumpkin pie, and this is lighter because it’s a chiffon pie, but there was something else about it, maybe it was the walnut crust that I never would have remembered. I won’t know for sure if this pie is the same as hers, but I look forward to seeing if it brings back memories.  Here goes….

I decided to use a walnut pie crust recipe from Williams Sonoma.  It seems to be a variation on my Nana’s regular pie crust.  It makes two crusts, so I’m already thinking about my next pie!

Walnut Pie Crust

• 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

• 1 tsp. salt

• 1 Tbs. sugar

• 16 Tbs. (2 sticks) cold unsalted butter, cut into
    1/2-inch dice

• 1 cup toasted walnuts, very finely chopped

• 6 to 8 Tbs. ice water

• 1 egg, lightly beaten with 1 Tbs. water

In a food processor, combine the flour, salt and sugar and pulse to combine. Add the butter and pulse until the mixture resembles coarse meal, 15 to 20 pulses. Add the walnuts and pulse 2 or 3 times to combine. Add the 6 Tbs. ice water and pulse twice. The dough should hold together when squeezed with your fingers but should not be sticky. If it is crumbly, add more water 1 tsp. at a time, pulsing twice after each addition. Turn the dough out onto a work surface, divide in half and shape each half into a disk. Wrap the disks separately in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 2 hours or up to 2 days.

Remove the dough from the refrigerator and let stand for 5 minutes. Place 1 dough disk between 2 sheets of lightly floured waxed paper and roll out into a 12-inch round about 3/16 inch thick. Transfer to a 9-inch deep-dish pie dish (I did not use a deep dish pie dish) and press the dough into the dish. Trim the edges, leaving a 1/2-inch overhang. Fold under the excess dough and, using your thumb, decoratively flute the edges. Place the pie crust in the freezer for 30 minutes.

Position a rack in the lower third of an oven. Place a baking sheet on the rack. Preheat the oven to 400°F.

Line the pie crust with parchment paper and fill with pie weights. Brush the edges of the crust with the egg mixture. Place the pie dish on the preheated baking sheet in the oven and bake for 20 minutes. Carefully remove the parchment and weights and bake until the crust is light golden, about 5 minutes more. Transfer to a wire rack and let the crust cool completely. Fill the cooled crust as directed in your pie recipe.  Makes enough for 1 double-crust pie or 2 single-crust pies.

(If making a double-crust pie, roll out the remaining dough disk into a 12-inch round about 3/16 inch thick. Using a small, sharp knife or decorative cutters, cut slits or cut out shapes in the dough to allow steam to escape during baking. Drape the dough over the filled pie and press gently to eliminate any air pockets. Trim the overhanging dough to 1/2 inch. Tuck the top crust under the bottom edge and crimp to form a decorative edge. Brush the crust with the egg mixture. Bake the pie as directed in your recipe.) 

Pumpkin Chiffon Pie Filling

¾ cup brown sugar (I used dark brown sugar)

1 envelope unflavored gelatin

½ tsp salt

1 tsp cinnamon

½ tsp nutmeg

¼ tsp ginger

3 slightly beaten egg yolks

¾ cup milk

1 ¼ cups canned or mashed cooked pumpkin

3 egg whites

⅓ cup granulated sugar

In a saucepan, combine brown sugar, gelatin, salt, and spices.  Combine egg yolks and milk: stir into brown sugar mixture.  Cook and stir until mixture comes to a boil.  Remove from heat; stir in pumpkin.

Chill until mixture mounds slightly when spooned. (Test every now and then - don’t let it get too stiff.)  Beat egg whites until soft peaks form; gradually add granulated sugar, beating to stiff peaks.  Fold pumpkin mixture thoroughly into egg whites.  Turn into crust.  Chill until firm (overnight is best).  Garnish however you like.

(Keep in mind that some should avoid eating raw egg whites.  Here is a good resource: https://whatscookingamerica.net/Eggs/RawEggs.htm )

Well, this pie is delicious, and after my first bite the memory was no longer fleeting.  It’s truly amazing how taste, like scents and the sound of certain pieces of music, can transport you through time. I can’t say when I last had this pie.  My Nana died when I was 18, which is a few years shy of four decades ago, but the flavor of this pie put me right back at her table.

I don’t think this is particularly strange, but I talk to her every so often, and I know my mom does too. I talked to her just yesterday, asking her to look after my youngest son as he had his wisdom teeth removed. (She truly would have gotten a kick out of him.)  I often feel her presence, and there is nothing supernatural about it - I just carry my memories of her with me.  

I recently read an interview with Bruce Springsteen (in AARP magazine, no less) in which he says,  “I carry so many ancestors with me on a daily basis. I experience my father regularly.  I experience Clarence.  I experience my old assistant, Terry Magovern.  They visit me in my dreams quite often - I may see them, you know, several times a year.”

He continues, “So, this idea is you don’t lose everything when someone dies.  You do lose their physical presence, but their physical presence is not all of them, and it never was all of them, even when they were alive.  Spirit is very strong.  Emotion is very strong. Their energy is very strong.  And a lot of this, particularly for people who are very powerful, really carries over after death.”

I like the thought of continuing to ‘experience’ someone after they’re gone.  It’s certainly true for me - my Nana remains a guidepost of how to treat others. This Thanksgiving, in the midst of our present chaos and the devastation this virus continues to bring, I hope all of us can count many things to be thankful for - and maybe have a little pie.